Let’s face it. You are an emotional manipulator. You use anger to get what you want. You use disappointment and guilt too. You cry, you shake your head, point your finger and you use the silent treatment. You are not alone though, because we all do it. Trying to...
I’ve met many people who feel lost and empty. Sometimes their despair is triggered by a change in circumstances; women who identified themselves as 'mum' suddenly discover their children have become more independent; employees who find themselves redundant;...
Relationships are tough. Even the best relationships have their hurdles and sometimes your partner has done or said something so hurtful, you can’t see a way to forgive. Yet you know for your own health and wellbeing, you must. In my darkest days, I would sit on my...
We all hit rough patches at times: it’s life. Some people manage to pick themselves up and get back on track fast, while others just can't seem to get through it, and so suffer for a long time. When you’re down and struggling to get back up, you need your team around...
Single parents: how to give your kids a huge IQ advantage – even if they refuse to do homework, even if your ex undermines you!
You know how it goes right? You start homework time with the serenity of a Buddhist monk and nurturing intentions of Mother Teresa, but as your VERY logical explanations are met with confused expressions, distracted glances out the window and repeated mistakes, you...
My orchid flowered the other day. It was a miracle and I'll tell you why. I’d received it as a gift many months ago when it was in full bloom and I cared for it until the flowers faded and fell to the ground. In the past I would have thrown the plant out believing...
A client of mine was in a state of anxiety about not being happy yet. “I’m doing everything I’m supposed to” she said. She was going to yoga, catching up with friends, having massages to nurture herself. She was eating well and endeavouring to sleep eight hours each...
I admit it, I’m a die-hard of The Bachelor show. If you’ve been watching The Bachelor this season, you’ll be aware it has already been full of cringe-worthy moments, more than I can stomach. I feel so sorry for these beautiful women who are falling over one another in...
I’ve had both kinds of relationships now and each one taught me three valuable things about myself that I would have never learned, had I not been willing to go through the pain. My poor relationship was devoid of real connection. It was a bond formed out of an...
When you’ve been betrayed, you know it’s like being stabbed in the stomach and having the blade churn through your insides. The feeling is horrific.
Discovery of infidelities, lies, or hidden addictions can tear a family apart and leave you reeling.
Recovery from the trauma of betrayal is definitely quite a process, but the idea is that in the longer term you’re supposed to not only recover, you’re supposed to shine even brighter than ever before.
I was recently chatting with a friend of mine who had left her tumultuous marriage a few months ago. Initially she felt strong in her decision to end the relationship, but as time went on she began to feel lonely and had started to reminisce about all the good times.
She told me she knew she shouldn’t go back but still, she could feel herself being drawn towards him again. Her memories of the good times were having a powerful amnesiac effect on all the bad times.
I once worked with a woman who was in a constant power struggle with her ex-partner. His attempts to manipulate and control her through their child wore her down, and I witnessed her anxiety levels rise every time his messages flooded her phone. Her body would tense as she sent off a barrage of angry texts in response.
It was a never-ending cycle of madness. Both people angry, each blaming the other.
On this international Women’s Day we who have found our strength must stand and support those who have not yet found theirs.
A new era is dawning, a movement is gathering momentum. The world is beginning to recognise the power in women and the era of secrets and violence behind closed doors is coming to an end.
Disempowered relationships can be likened to a see-saw with two participants. On one side sits a person who feels helpless and flawed, but cannot tap into her awesomeness and on the other side sits a person who seeks reassurance he is amazing, but cannot bear to acknowledge his flaws.
When we are in a disempowered state, we need another person on the other side of that see-saw to keep us off the ground. So you attract someone on to your see-saw who has a need opposite to yours. He jumps on to one side, you jump on the other and the game commences.
Feeling self-conscious is something I’ve struggled with throughout my life. I was a tall, olive skinned kid who wanted to be short and cute with freckles. I wanted to blend in.
Though I’ve largely overcome the battle with social anxiety, I still have moments of insecurity and know that it’s a feeling that afflicts most of us every now and then so want to share my secret little self-confidence hack with you. It has really helped me when I’ve not been feeling so awesome on my own!
I have a confession. While I was in my marriage I secretly judged women who were single or divorced. I pitied them and assumed they were unhappy. But when my own marriage collapsed I found myself on the receiving end of that same kind of pity.
It was grating because it was completely at odds with how I felt. I felt fantastic on my own, I felt free, I felt like I could finally be a master of my own destiny… but I didn’t realise I would feel so awesome on my own until I WAS on my own.
When I was told the news it didn’t bother me at all. In fact, I didn’t think twice about it. I know I’m a good person: I make mistakes all the time but my intentions are good and I treat everyone with respect.
It was only later when I was talking to my girls about the importance of being comfortable in your own skin that I considered just how differently I handled not being liked now, compared to how I would have dealt with it before my whole perspective on life changed.
I have spoken to many women and men who, like myself, found themselves on the other side of a marriage, facing the new reality of being single. Virtually every one of these people, also like myself, didn’t realise they had somehow lost who they really are through the course of their relationship.
The loss of our true selves usually happens without conscious awareness. In argument after argument we give up or give in just to keep the peace or because we see that real resolution is not possible.
I have a friend who recently went away on holiday with some of her girlfriends. She’d had a difficult year and was in desperate need of some R & R. It should have been a rejuvenating experience but as each day wore on she became more and more agitated.
When she arrived back she called her boyfriend to tell him how rude and uncaring he had been as he hadn’t bothered to get in touch with her once during her whole holiday.
So is her boyfriend a) a self-absorbed a-hole, or b) misunderstood?
Ask people about love and they will give you complex answers about needing to be with someone or the feeling of loss when they’re gone. The truth is much more simple…