I once worked with a woman who was in a constant power struggle with her ex-partner. His attempts to manipulate and control her through their child wore her down, and I witnessed her anxiety levels rise every time his messages flooded her phone. Her body would tense as she sent off a barrage of angry texts in response.
It was a never-ending cycle of madness. Both people angry, each blaming the other.
This attack/counter-attack behaviour is so common amongst separated couples and I see many people repeat the same patterns of behaviour over and over and over again. But there is a better way, really! The trick is to know how to gain the upper hand without the other person realising you have it.
The first essential point is this: those who seek to control, those who criticise, those who lash out in anger ARE NOT STRONG; they are actually some of the weakest people around. But if you’re stuck in your own anger, like the woman I worked with, then you are in the same disempowered position as your ex.
The second secret is that true strength, real strength comes from an unexpected place – empathy. Many people find this hard to comprehend, after all, how can you feel for someone when they have caused so much damage?
When you can fully empathise with people and see past their façade to the hurt and pain that lies within their being, that’s when magic happens: the power shift. You become empowered because you see them, and their power over you disappears because they don’t see themselves.
I get it, it’s not easy. It takes time and it requires a a kind of learning that doesn’t seem to be taught in today’s society. But when you unlock the door to this power shift, you discover how to manage them without them even realising you’re doing it and, you have a much greater chance of achieving what you want.
But there is a catch: this only really works when you truly see yourself. So if you feel caught in a cycle of anger and blame with your ex and there appears to be no end in sight, it’s a big sign that something needs to change. And that change must be you. Don’t wait for them. To wait is to choose disempowerment.
My 100% Empowered Master Class has been built to give women the power to set themselves free from the drama in their life and move forward in love, not hate.