I’ve had both kinds of relationships now and each one taught me three valuable things about myself that I would have never learned, had I not been willing to go through the pain.
My poor relationship was devoid of real connection. It was a bond formed out of an unconscious fear and need. My rich relationship was authentic in love, in supporting each other through challenges and sharing our joyful experiences.
The poor one ended despite my attempts to cling to what I knew was broken. I was so afraid of being alone that I compromised myself even further than I already had, just to try to keep us together. I only let go when I could not bear to be torn even further away from my values than I had already strayed.
At that point I had no choice but to let go, dive into my fear and explore the darkness. In doing so, I learned three lessons that changed my life.
1.It taught me to get comfortable with pain.
It was good to have experienced the poor relationship. It forced me to become familiar with the pain of rejection, and now I do not fear it. I now know it hurts, but it ends.
This learning to let go even though it hurt gave me the ability to endure this pain space when my rich relationship ended. I was able to surrender without fighting, without pleading for him to take me back. And to my surprise (and enormous relief) this time round the worst of the pain was brief and my mind was able to accept what is, quickly.
2. It taught me the tools and strategies to heal.
The trauma of the poor relationship gave me the knowledge and the resources to heal quickly when my rich relationship ended.
It was almost like getting back on a bike; I put my feet back on the pedals and though it was uphill at the start, it became easier each day:
- I connected with friends and family who listened with compassion.
- I allowed myself to grieve, to cry as much as I needed.
- I wrote letters I didn’t send.
- I nurtured myself with meditation and walks on the beach.
- And importantly, I focused on being grateful for the experiences I had gained, rather than on the future that was lost.
3. It taught me that to be who I am I must be willing to let go.
The end of my poor relationship pushed me into finding myself. It helped me discover there is nothing more important than my values; they are the expression of who I am.
So throughout my rich relationship, I stayed true to myself and what I believe in. I have peace in the knowledge I gave all of my true self and I can look back with contentment, knowing there is nothing I would have changed, nothing I would have done differently.
I am also at peace in the understanding that if I am not accepted as I am then there is nothing more I can do, I can not be anyone other than who I am and I would rather experience the temporary pain of rejection, than the permanent pain of not being true to myself.
Peace is possible, no matter what your mood of the moment is. But to reach peace you must first find yourself and to find yourself you must be willing to be open to exploring your pain. You cannot have one without the other.
The price of peace is high: the pain of self-discovery.
But the price of self-protection is higher: living with the undercurrent of never-ending turmoil.
Undertaking a program to find your inner peace is challenging, because it requires you to be open and vulnerable. That’s why I have such admiration and respect for all women (and men) who have already joined me in my 100% Empowered Masterclass. If you’re ready to discover your true power and be unapologetically YOU, then join me here.