“You should have written it differently”, the unexpected feedback on my story.

I released my story a few days ago and it feels good. The messages I received were overwhelmingly heart-warming and supportive but I had one email advising I should have written it differently.

This particular message stated I was too kind, I was too thankful, and that I was essentially letting him “get away with all the pain he caused”.

I know it is hard for some people to understand how a person could possibly be grateful for their trauma and the resulting emotional scars, so in an attempt to explain my rationale I responded to their email with this:

“I am grateful for the emotional scars. It’s because of them – not in spite of them – I appreciate everything so much more. It’s like a university degree that was crammed into a brief few months rather than spread over years. Yes, I had to work hard for it, but I’m proud of the education I received. Now I’m wiser, stronger, more in tune with the universe and more perceptive than ever before. Why would anyone resent having received that learning? I don’t.”

Just as anyone who has worked hard to build a career or get a university degree, do you look back at all that hard work you put in and feel resentful for all the stress you went through? All the sleepless nights spent finishing off your thesis? All the social sacrifices to work late and gain that promotion? It’s funny to imagine the thought of being resentful towards the very institution that provided you with the wisdom that was a launch pad to something greater.

Yet we often don’t look at our human experiences in the same light. We may remain angry, defensive, bitter or stuck in a turmoil of other emotions (aka victimhood), simply because the lesson was delivered via an unusual vehicle, be it a broken relationship, loss of a loved one, illness or other hardship. So, if we changed our perspective and viewed life’s challenges as a learning institution from which our aim is to graduate, then the idea of embracing our adversity may become more palatable.

Finding a greater state of wellbeing is very achievable, but we must be willing to consciously choose it. It takes effort, it takes commitment, and it takes a willingness to let go of blame and opt for full personal responsibility.