I have spoken to many women and men who, like myself, found themselves on the other side of a marriage, facing the new reality of being single. Virtually every one of these people, also like myself, didn’t realise they had somehow lost who they really are through the course of their relationship.

The loss of our true selves usually happens without conscious awareness. In argument after argument we give up or give in just to keep the peace or because we see that real resolution is not possible.

We stay because we have children, because our finances are intertwined, because divorce was never on our to-do list, or because we believe that something will get better in time. But most of all we stay because this existence becomes our norm.

Deep down we know our relationship isn’t what we had planned for ourselves but we don’t like to admit it to anyone, least of all ourselves.  But eventually, either years of dysfunction finally make the tension unbearable or a deal-breaker betrayal awakens us to the possibility that maybe there is a life beyond this existence.

So now we find ourselves here: single. And you have a choice. You can spend your time on your own feeling lost and overwhelmed or you can embrace it. You can make it the most exhilarating and liberating time of your life. You can take this unique opportunity to find your strength and your happiness because it’s only when you are absolutely awesome on your own that you will find a partner who is really right for you. Why? Because then you won’t compromise yourself just to fill your need to be with someone or avoid your fear of being alone.

So for everyone who is single right now, stop. Before you get into another relationship, take stock. Ask yourself, “do I feel 100% happy on my own?”. If the answer is no, take the opportunity to empower yourself. Discover the tools you need to be fearless on your own as only then will you truly be able to create the life and relationships you really want.

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